Ten Things I'm Confused About

Before I start this rant, all hail the arrival of the darling Lauren! I'm still dancing a jig about her.

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1. Tori's nap schedule. It's clear she wants to do just one nap a day, but today her one nap was only an hour and a half long. That seems like very dramatic to go from four hours of naps a day to suddenly less than half that. It might have been because my mom was babysitting today (she napped while we were at a meeting). I'm not sure how to ease this transition. Suggestions?

2. Other parents. The great thing about one nap is that I can do things like take Tori to our local library's story hour, which we did for the first time today. It was really awesome (aside from the simply horrid Philly accent that the leader had), and Tori just loved it. There were about ten kids there, and three of them were her age (one little boy even shared her birthday!). The only bad moment came when Tori stole another kid's binky (pacifier or plug for some of you). The boy she took it from was quite a bit younger than Tori, and he just wailed. His mother wouldn't meet my eyes and even though she said it was OK, (I obviously took it away from Tori and gave it back right to her) it clearly wasn't. She didn't give it back to her son (clearly more germ-phobic than I am, I would have just wiped it on my shirt and given it back) and wouldn't take me up on the offer to wash it (since she had two kids there I figured it was easier for me to just take Tori to the bathroom to wash it). Her son was horribly upset; I felt so bad. I feel like I behaved appropriately; the only other thing I could have done was stop talking to another parent and watched Tori more carefully so that I stopped it before it happened, or, you know gone back in time to stop it. Should I have done something differently? Maybe I'm the clueless one and I am not following proper story time etiquette. This is just the sort of shit that makes me not want to ever go again.

3. Why I can't get paid to blog. I'll admit it; I'm jealous of other bloggers. First Dooce and then Finslippy at Alpha Mom, and then Julia and now Julie at the Redbook Diaries. I've sent pitches to several places, submitted my credentials and writing samples to probably about fifty blogging jobs I've found listings for and with the exception of the lovely folks at Babble (totally my favorite parenting site), no one has even responded. It's like my queries are vanishing into cyberspace. Is it the swearing? Fuck. It's probably the fucking swearing. I would love to blog about spirituality, politics, parenting, being fat and trying to lose weight--whatever! Someone just pay me! WAAAAHHHHH!!!

4. Why it's taken me so long to discover Keri Arthur's paranormal romance series. When I found her first book I knew I was going to love it--while it was titled the rather dull "Full Moon Rising" the book jacket said, "Half werewolf, half vampire--all trouble." She's like all the good stuff about Laurell K. Hamilton (the author of the Anita Blake, vampire hunter series) without all the bad. There's tons of hot sex, but it never slows down the plot, and the writing is SO MUCH BETTER. Seriously, she's awesome, and I have no fucking idea why her books are called romance. They are more mystery/fantasy than romance. By the way, I just took ten books out of the library and I think only one of those did not involve vampires or werewolves in some fashion. Heh.

5. Why no one is buying Sarah's photos from her way-cool website. Except for me, of course. I know it's a shameless plug, but seriously, the woman has talent! I bought this photo of me for Charlie for his birthday. Everyone should have Sarah take their picture nude. It's an empowering experience.

6. Why I am having so much trouble getting through this book. I've been asked to review it, and I just can't make myself read more than a chapter at a time. I should love it--I mean, the material is near and dear to my heart--but so far the nicest thing I can say about it is that it's the perfect gift to get for that annoying aunt that says stupid shit like, "I just don't get this IVF stuff." There are so many of us bloggers that could (and have) do it better.

7. Why I love TV shows about dysfunctional people. We watched HBO's new show "Tell Me You Love Me" the other night, and while of course it's very good (it's HBO, after all), I'm not sure I can get that into it. Well, except for the near pornographic sex (seriously, I do NOT know how they faked it so well). Charlie and I both felt so much better about our relationship after it was over, I have to say. One of the couples has gone over a year without sex. Shit. And I thought my sex drive was low.

8. Why there aren't more shows like Californication. Have you seen this new show on Showtime? Holy fuck it's awesome. First off, David Duchovney is HOT. Seriously, HOT HOT HOT. He plays drunken asshole writer so very well. And the script is so snappy we have to rewind it constantly to catch every word. Great, great show. Sad it's only a half-hour.

9. Why I'm talking so much about TV. My summer shows are all wrapping up (The Closer--which I love; Saving Grace, love love love; Mad Men; The 4400--although I think I'm the only person that watches that show). All I want to know is, when the fuck does Heroes come back (Sept 24, apparently)?

10. Why I persist in writing list posts. Cause I've been doing so much writing for work I think I've bruised my writing bone. Sorry.

Comments

[dana]

Good for Tori! The mother is an idiot! She should have brushed it off, both the binky and her dumb attitude. So glad my girls are done with playgroups, library time, etc. Actually, so glad that I am done with them. BUT, I promise, you will meet one or two moms who might surprise you and be your friend forever!

[Annika]

Yeah, Sam naps for about 1-2.5 hours a day since going down to one. I know it seems crazy but I think that's about average.

[Maria]

The mother is an idiot? There is no way in he$& that I would have given that binky back to my kid after a toddler had taken it. I guess I've lived through too many illnesses caught directly from other kids. And I would have been pissed too. Not that there was anything you could have done about it but she was the one having to deal with an upset kid then. I know it was nothing you did on purpose, but can we refrain from villifying the mom who didn't do anything wrong?

[Jo-Ann]

I can help with

1. Naps get all wonky sometimes. A sometimes naps 45 min other days 3.5 hours. Go figure. When she gets used to the one nap it will be longer.

2. Man welcome to insane mothers who have nothing better to do than judge and be strange when your child actually acts like a child. I ran into this a TON when I first quit my day job. It made me feel like R (and now A) must be the worst and the MOST out of control child(ren) ever and I must be the worst parent ever. It was hard. I call them the parental police or the parents of only perfect children. I still will not take the boys to story time for fear of running into parents like that. You know we do plenty of activities but it has to be in not such a confined space. I am getting really good at steering clear of these people.

3. I wish you could get paid to blog too!

[carmie]

Sadly, I have no nap advice. Lately it's a good thing when E naps for an hour and a half. Stupid eyeteeth. Worse than fucking molars!

I used to get a lot more upset about moms who take umbrage over normal toddler behavior from my kiddo. These days, if I know I'm doing my part to keep him out of mischief, and I've apologized for any toy-taking/hair-pulling and the parent is still tweaked, then it's their problem. I'm better off not having them as a friend. Don't give up on story time over one little incident. It'll be SO good for Tori in the long run.

Lists are great. More lists!

[Jessica]

I'm planning on buying one of Sarah's photos, I think they are awesome! I'm just having a hard time deciding which one...

[Lisa]

1. Not exactly sure how to ease the transition, but my son is about 7 weeks older than Tori, and I remember him kind of figuring it out by himself eventually. He would fight the early nap tooth and nail, but went down fine for the noonish nap, only to wake up crabby 1-1.5 hours later. This only lasted a few weeks at most though, and he eventually transitioned on his own to naps that were 1.5 hour minimum - 2.5 or 3 hours. Hellish in the meantime though. Hang in there. :)

2. I may or may not have given the binky back to my child, but if the woman is that germaphobic and her child needs his binky that badly, she should have brought more than one with her. You did nothing wrong, and Tori was just being a toddler. I hate when people get a stick up their posterior over little shit like this.

[margalit]

About paid blogging... it isn't you, or anyone else that is looking for blogging work... it's the people that do the hiring. They hire the same people over and over and over again. The people never stay, but they keep getting hired. I know of a blogger that's worked at at least 7 large sites, quits every job, and keeps getting hired at the new places. Then she brings on her friends, and they never go outside that small ring of blogging buddies. If you do find a blogging job outside, it pays NOTHING. Anywhere from $3 to $5 per post. If you post more than 30 or so posts per month, you're posting too much and they will ask you to cut back.

The ONLY way to make money blogging is to either do corporate clogging or to start a group site of your own. The mommyblogging world is too saturated, there will be a lot of sites that will disappear. Last year the big one was club mom, and now they're gasping for breath. Babble... don't even bother trying. It's a big clique and they fire anyone that doesn't 'fit their voice'. Carmen made it one day there.

[bekah]

I watched the first episode of Californication on Netflix, and I've already saved the first season in my queue. This show might just be worth getting Showtime for... I love me some David Duchovny. Flashing his ass in the first episode was a great way to get my attention. Oh, and it was hilarious.

[liz]

If the mom was that upset after you tried to make amends then it's HER problem, not yours. Seriously, you offered to wash it...what more does she want?

Keep going back to story time.

Naps: You may need to move up bedtime a bit. Other than that, just hang tough through the transition.

[liz]

Oh! Have you read Charlaine Harris?

And double oh! Have you watched the new series of Dr. Who? (currently on 3rd season - earlier seasons available on DVD)

And triple oh! Have you watched Foyle's War? (PBS, currently on season 4 - earlier seasons ditto.)

[Tonya]

And this mom had TWO kids? I'm surprised she had enough time and attention span to care so much (guess it depends on the age/temperments of her kids). I always carried a spare binky for situations such as this.

As for the nap transition, it's a bitch. I hated going from two to one. I felt so cheated! Add a seriously cranky child to boot, it just sucks. Wish I had some good ideas for you.

[Chiara]

Ok, pacifier mom: ridiculous - that kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME in our little baby group. Her comfort level might be different, but at least she could laugh it off and have a spare since it's supposed to be a social time. She's probably dousing her kid in hand sanitizer all the time. You responded very well, so forget about it.
Californication: the previews struck me as tedious and I did not plan to watch, but did anyway because I love Fox Mulder- I mean-David Duchovny. For some reason, I thought it was supposed to be a drama, but as a half hour comedy it rocks. I laugh and laugh. I can't think of anyone else who could pull off that character. Were you like me last week when that guy was pulling out the C-word, going: "Where's Hank??? He'll take that asshole out!" (By the way, I thought her response was very well-written - have you ever been in that moment where someone horribly violates a social norm and you're too stunned to do anything but wish it would go away?)
Tell Me...: Yeah, crazy realistic for a show until the hand job and that was the fakest fake penis I've ever seen. :P Jury's out on that show.
Anita Blake: as a big Buffy/Angel fan I really wanted to like those books, but I kept wanting to laugh at the sex scenes. I'll definitely check out the other one.

[MollyB]

How many people getting paid to blog initially set out to do that?

You blog to meet your needs, right? That's the most important. Don't degrade meaningful work you're doing for YOU by linking that to a dollar value.

If at some point your blogging intersects with significant market demands, you'll get paid. But if you get distracted by hoping to make money, that's =less= likely to happen, in part b/c you'll subconsciously mimic paid bloggers and come off as a lesser imitation instead of as YOU.

It might be worth looking at whether you have unexplored, as-yet-undeveloped talent. Growth is inspiring - and attractive.

Just keep blogging. Your way.

[ladykuri]

Love Anita Blake, have to check the new chick out!

Pacifier: Who on earth has a paci baby and doesn't carry at least 2-3 everywhere?!? Seriously, I kept about 6 in the diaper bag, a couple in the car and another 6 or so in the crib! She really should get over herself and her lack of planning...what if her baby had thrown it on the floor and it got stepped on?

Naps: The transistion sucks but it will get better!! My daughter was the devil child for about a month when she transitioned, then magically one day decided to start sleeping 3-4 hours right after lunch! Like someone else mentioned, you might try playing with bedtime a bit, that could help. Otherwise have patience (or try....)

No clue on why no one wants to pay you, if I had the money I would! :p

No clue on TV, if we watch anything anymore it's the science channel. Or reruns of old Nick game shows on Nick GAS. We're pathetic.

[VixanneWigg]

Yeah. My son only takes one nap a day and sadly the naps tend to last about an hour to an hour and a half. I did find that giving him his nap later in the day made him nap longer, but he's usually too tired for that to happen. I am very jealous of those women whose kids take marathon 3 hour naps in the afternoon. Lucky beatches. :)

Hmmm. Why don't you start telling pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits on your blog. It's definitely the right audience. I was going to suggest Babble, but apparently not. I will totally support you blogging at Babble if you promise not to write any blog posts about how not breastfeeding will turn your kid into a flesh eating ADD zombie. I'm a little sick of those.

It's a shame Brain, Child doesn't have a good website.

Last, I have no clue about that woman at the library. Kids take things. I'm always worried that I'm going to be THAT mom who the other moms say doesn't control her child. But then when it seems like all I'm saying is NO NO NO I think I'm going to the be the mom who the other moms say is controlling and never lets her kid have any fun.

[AmyinMotown]

I have to say I would jave been upset if another kid stole a bunky from my kid. Had the mom apologized though, I would have been fine with her. She may have seemed upset a) because her kid still was crying and she couldn't calm him down and felt like she was disrupting everyone else's storytime b) at herself for not bringing a spare. In other words, it may not have been personal to you or your parenting at all. I'm sure my nice friendly self can come off as less than when I am upset at a situation, not a person. My fellow commenters, let's tone down the Judgy McJudgerson behavior, please.

As far as paid blogging, right there with you. Ia pplied for everything and have gotten nothing, and I am GOOD, dammit! I just don't understand how certain sites make their hiring decisions. Glad Babble was nice to you though. I love them :-).

[Michele Lane]

the nap thing will even out. Emma goes from one extreme (no nap at all) to the other (3 hours one day) depending on any number of qualifiers.

On getting paid to blog... it MIGHT be the swearing. Personally it doesnt bug me. But it might narrow your marketability.

On bitchy library moms. Ugh. I hate people who are unaware that childish behavior is acceptable from children. Kids will do stuff like that.. and you arent at fault in any way. When I deal with snotty high socioty snoots in this town I smile sticky sweet and go on about my redneck ways. They hate it. But my girls and I have fun :)

[Regina]

I thought Dooce made her money mostly from the ads- there's a post in the archives that says that the reason her husband could quit his "normal" job was because she was going to start running ads in her RSS feed. I don't know about any other blogging-for-money that she does.

As for the other mom at the library- maybe she was just having a bad day, or she's uncomfortable meeting new people, or is uncomfortable accepting help from others. don't let one bad experience keep you from going to story time with Tori! I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? if this lady is going to start some kind of blood feud or something if you show up to the "Public Story Time", at the "Public Library", again, you could totally take her! I mean, unless someone changed the dictionary while I wasn't looking and "Public" now means "Belongs to the Pacifier Mom." Then, Cecily, I'm sorry to say that you don't have a legal leg to stand on. :)

[The Aitch]

Two links to dooce in one week? Honestly Cec, I thought you knew better than that. And, like you really have to link to her anymore, she's a legend we all know where she resides.

*you totally know I am just giving you crap, right??!!*

Have you talked to citymama http://citymama.typepad.com/ yet? She runs a few parenting blog sites and I do believe is often looking for great writers! contact her if you haven't already (think strollerderby

[Wabi]

Regarding Paci-Mom (and others who agree they would also be "mad" about a stolen pacifier) --

I understand being annoyed or frustrated, especially if it causes a meltdown and the paci is now dirty. But MAD? Tori was just doing what toddlers do best: see, want, take. There is no blaming the kid in this situation, and if a mom gave back the binky, said she was sorry, and then offered to clean the paci, what else COULD have been done differently to make it right? These sorts of things can happen in a matter of seconds, so it's not like you have to be grossly inattentive for it to occur.

IMO, this woman just modeled to her kid that when someone makes a mistake that hurts you, you should hold a grudge regardless of whether the mistake was innocent, and disregard apologies, too. Not the greatest of lessons.

[Essie]

Sorry, can't help you out with the mommy/baby stuff but Heroes returns Sept 24 at 9 PM. You can get the scoop on all returning shows and new shows here.

[Essie]

Oh, thought I could add html to a comment. I guess not. Here is the link
http://www.tvguide.com/special/fallpreview07/default.aspx

[Celia]

I watch 4400 too, but also feel like i'm the only one. I'm mourning the end of 4400, the closer, psych and all the other usa/bravo type shows. Not even sure if i'm excited about gray's this season.

[Krista]

To Wabi: Did we ever actually establish that the mother was mad? Maybe she's just quiet. Maybe she was too busy trying to calm her child to respond. As we don't know, perhaps we shouldn't assign this woman an emotion or speak for her. Either way, she'll get over it and life will go on for everyone.