I know I haven't been blogging much lately. A lot of that is because I haven't been feeling well; I'm still fighting off this damn cold (seriously, still tons of coughing and green snot after more than three weeks and one course of antibiotics; but at least the antibiotics stopped the spiking fevers). Also, my cycle has been such that I'm in peak migraine country these days; I had a migraine every day last week. Toss in the fact that my stupid doctor's office wasn't calling in my prescription refills to my pharmacy (they drive me crazy), and I therefore I spent the week having to ration out my (mostly ineffective) medication, you can guess it was a bad week physically.
It was fun.
But all my cranky bitching aside, that's not really why I haven't been writing. It might be why, though, I let a recent email I got from a reader get to me so much. An email that told me I was now boring and writing about things that "aren't so terribly intriguing." I don't mean to pick on the reader that said it; the only reason it got to me is that I feel the same way. I constantly worry that I've become incredibly dull, and I wonder if that's why so many other infertility bloggers shut down and go dormant.
Most people, I think, write best from a position of pain or anger--and that's certainly true for me. When I'm in agony, I get very sharp and funny and focused because that's how I cope. But lately, my life is really, really good--so it's very easy to either focus on the small things (like binkygate, as Anne dubbed it) or bigger things that aren't earth shattering, like manners.
What do I really have to complain about these days? I mean, I'm lucky enough to be working from home now so I can be with my daughter; my baby is here, and I'm not planning to get back on the baby making merry-go-round; my husband is sweet, faithful, and supportive; my friends are brilliant and talented. All is well.
Does this mean I should stop blogging? God, I don't know. But being told I'm boring sure took the wind out of my sails.
There are things I could write about. I'm absolutely infuriated at the amount of money we are putting out for our health insurance--for very little coverage (today I'm going to have to put all my prescriptions on a credit card cause I haven't been paid in a bit and we're in a budget crunch, and my insurance doesn't cover them). The impending election is making me crazy already--it amazes me that Hillary Clinton's cleavage got more press than her policy. The Jena 6 story is frustrating and stupid.
But the truth is, when I'm feeling pretty content and happy with life, it is difficult to choose anger and despair just for a good blog entry. In recovery it's said that "righteous anger is a luxury of normal men", meaning that the way we alcoholics internalize anger and channel it into resentment is bad for us. Maybe part of the reason I'm unwilling to take up the flag and march lately is because I've been spending a little more time focusing on my recovery again in the last month or so. I don't know.
I realize that this post is going to come off as a plea for a thousand "oh, you aren't boring, don't stop blogging!" comments. Really, that's not required, and it's not what I'm after (nor do I, as yet, have any plans to quit blogging). If you blog, I'd be interested in knowing how you manage this sort of thing--the negative comments or criticism, and continuing to write when life is just, well, life. If you don't blog, tell me what you'd like to see me write about. Maybe between us we can get me jump-started.
