Happy New Year

Last year on this day, I was pretty angry. 2004 had been a horrible year. I was thrilled to see it gone.

This year was much better.

Obviously, the new pregnancy factors into that; this morning as I listened to the baby's heartbeat (and even better, the sounds of the baby kicking and turning and kicking again), I felt alright with the world. While joy isn't the proper word, perhaps hope is. Tomorrow I'll be 14 weeks--and out of the first trimester for sure.

I have a few regrets from 2005; I wish I'd gone on medication for depression after losing the boys; perhaps then I could have lost a little weight, which would have made this pregnancy more comfortable. I wish I'd exercised more, gotten my body back to it's old self.

I wish I'd been less depressed, more able to put more of myself into my work. My job has not gotten my best in the last year. I found it difficult to care about much of anything a lot of the time.

But mostly the year was full of good things. Sarah's wedding, of course. Lots of good news in the infertility blogosphere. Finding this house, this community, and my new church. The amazing continued support and rapport I get from this blog. After all, this year is the year we all found a way to make peace among the liberals and conservatives that read this blog. Unbelievable.

Best of all, I found a way to shake off my bitterness and be willing to put my body and my heart on the line again and try this baby thing once more.

I don't think this is going to be an easy pregnancy. I'm fully prepared for bed rest, emergency C-Sections, time in the NICU. But I find that I do believe that the end result will be different. I feel pretty sure a baby is coming home with us this time.

Whew! There. I said it.

Happy New Year, everyone. I couldn't have done 2005 without you.

Comments

[penelope]

1.

what a lovely post for the end of the year - I was just saying to my husband how hard 2005 had been and he insisted that without all that went on in 2005 we wouldn't get a better 2006.

You're both right - you brought tears to my eyes - I am so happy about your baby!

[Valerie]

2.

What a great post for the new year, I hope the New year brings you lots of joy and happiness.

[Laurie]

3.

I too feel that this is your year Cecily! Here's to you-and your incredible personality and strength. Hugs.

[Nina]

4.

Happy New Year and here's to Hope!

[Cath]

5.

Heres to that special lady having a fabulous 2006!
Love and light to you hunny

[Julia]

6.

Here's to an unimaginably great 2006!

[Leggy]

7.

I'm so glad you are in a better place than you were last year (mentally, spiritually, economically, pregnancy-wise, etc.). Re: wishing things had been different. Depression is a horrible disease- even if its situational vs. chronic, it still overpowers you and makes it hard to see things that in hindsight are obvious (eg, getting help for your depression).

Here's to a wonderful, joyous 2006.

[Kate]

8.

Happy New Year Cecily, cheers to Hope!

[mirabel]

9.

What Julia said. :)

[Bridgette]

10.

Happy New Year! I hope 2006 brings you nothing but joy and happiness.

[pixi]

11.

I hope 2006 is your best year yet. My best to you and Charlie.

[MFA Mama]

12.

Oh, I'm so glad you're feeling hopeful (however cautiously)! And I wish I'd had a Doppler with my last pregnancy. Hell, with all three. I too have had a particularly revolting 2005, for entirely different reasons, and am glad to be "starting over" with a new year and new and different troubles (ha ha ha)...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[Korin]

13.

I am so very glad you're feeling hopeful also! :D 2006 is going to be a very different year. very different indeed :)

[baseballmom]

14.

You rock, Cecily. Happy New Year, and may it be the best year ever!

[Kris]

15.

Happy New Year, Cecily. Thanks for sharing your year with us.

[Cat, Galloping]

16.

I remember that post from last year very well. Cannot believe that a whole year has gone by, but I'm awfully glad it has, and that this year is so different. Here's to this time next year bringing tales of your baby getting ready to crawl.

[Ruth]

17.

Happy New Year, Cecily ... here's to a hopeful, wonderful 2006. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

[Abby]

18.

I'm so happy for you! I know you can handle whatever comes your way, and whatever it is that you'll be so very blessed.

May you have a pleasant, peaceful (except for the cries of a new baby) 2006!

[Claire]

19.

Happy happy happy New Year!

[Toni]

20.

I feel a real sense of hope for 2006. I'm glad to come here and see that reflected in you, one who really deserves to feel both hope and joy. I wish those for you and Charlie in '06.

[Ninotchka]

21.

God bless you, Cec! Happy New Year.

[Hope]

22.

Happy New Year and I'm sending you my good thoughts for 2006.

[maia]

23.

2005 really did bring some great changes for you and Charlie I realized when I read through your year end wrap. The house, the church, the wedding, and of course the pregnancy.

Hoping 2006 is the year your dreams both come true and you bring home your baby safely.

All the best Cecily, we WWW people love ya!

[susannah]

24.

cecily,

i can't wait for you to bring home that sweet little baby. lots of love and hope in the new year!

susannah

[Trish]

25.

Happy New Year to you and yours, Cecily... I cannot wait to read what 2006 will bring...

[Rachel-G]

26.

Here is to a much better 2006 for you!
I will be holding a great many good thoughts for you and Charlie.

[Melissa4444]

27.

Well, NOW can I say the "C" word???? I'm so happy that you are doing ok. SOrry that you don't feel great. But I agree with you. I really do believe that you are going to bring a baby home with you this time! And I can't wait!

[Julie]

28.

Woo Hoo! It definately will be a great year my friend :)

[Calliope]

29.

2006 is going to be a kick ass & take names type of year!
It will be the year of the dog & it's about time.
B/c frankly, the year of the rooster just sucked for me.
xo

[Sandy]

30.

This post brought tears to my eyes ... and you give me great hope. You are an inspiration, my bloggity friend. Here's to a new year.

[Whitney]

31.

Here's raising a sparkling cider toast to you for a great 2006!! I'm so glad you are starting to have hope for the baby!

[Marianne]

32.

Wishing much happiness and joy to you and Charlie in the New Year!

[Jen]

33.

Many happy wishes and prayers for you this year. It's going to be a great for you, I can just feel it!

[kate]

34.

Hooray for Hope! Can't wait to read about your baby.

[Sarah L]

35.

The hope! It is flickering! Good to see it.
Happy new year,
Srah

[Mrs Aginoth]

36.

Good luck in 2006. May every day of it be better than the previous one.

This time next year, you can sit and write your round-up post with a baby screaming on your knee;-)

Happy new Year

[Heather]

37.

I'm writing with a better perspective now... I was just overwhelmed by the work and lack of sleep and just overall weariness of having a newborn. I'll never get everything done, and my 2-year old is having a breakdown, and I rock and pat and shush and nurse and burp and change for 2 hours to get my little guy to sleep for 5 minutes, then my toddler has a further breakdown, and 5 mintues later I'm doing it again. This is my first alone time in 3 days... so I was being whiny, I know. Anyway, your post reminds me of the millions of people working so hard to achieve my exhaustion and lack of personal time. I'm reminded of your worries about complaining about the many things that really suck about being pregnant, so please realize that I know I'm very lucky, and tons of people would give anything to be in my place, I'm just writing to thank you for the boost...

Also, I wanted to say that everyone I know has something they feel guilty for, or something they'd do differently about their pregnancy... I should have waited until I finished my experiments so I wouldn't have any concerns about the chemicals involved, I should have started prenatal vitamins earlier, and been off the pill longer...etc... but if I had changed any one thing, I wouldn't have the same little people, so beating yourself up is pointless. You are where you are, and where you are is a place with so much potential good and hope, and joy, and hopefully weariness and lack of free time.

sorry for rambling. Here's to 2006 (and to the great things of 2005 too)!

[Bluestocking]

38.

Right back at you Cecily. Good thoughts for a totally uneventful pregnancy and delivery are being sent your way.

Letting go of bitterness: so hard, but important I think. You're quite brave, you know.

[julie]

39.

The last part of your blog got me all teary. Lovely. I think 2006 is going to be a great year for all of us.

[Heather]

40.

What a year. And hope is a fabulous thing to feel about the year to come. I hope its full and joyous for you.

[Kristine]

41.

That was lovely! Hey- is your baby gonna be a Democrat too? It's okay-- I'm still happy for you! Love, Your Republican Friend

[Anne]

42.

Hope .... what a nice thing isn;t it? Cec I'm so glad you've found hope again and I can hardly wait to hear you complaining about lack of sleep and dirty diapers. I feel pretty sure you'll be coming home with a lovely baby in a few monthes as well. Nothing but the best to you, Charlie, the Baby, and the assorted pets. Happy New Year!

[suze]

43.

happy new year. hope, hope is a good thing :)

[Sophia]

44.

Happy New Year. We're praying for you.

[Ria]

45.

Happy New Year to you and Charlie, and blessings for a successful and uneventful pregnancy and birth.

May it be a wonderful year for everyone!

[April]

46.

Happy New Year and the best to you in 2006 Cecily! You are an amazing person and deserve the best! Wishing you and Charlie many blessings.

April
Another Republican friend

[Amy]

47.

Happy New Year. May 2006 be filled with even more hope and happiness.

[jen(rocks)]

48.

Happy New Year to you and yours. Here is to a great year and it is nice to see your hope for the pregnancy and the new year, instead of dread. Bad things really do continue to happen, but for some reason, I still get pleasure out of the fact that while bad things seem to happen to good people, bad things also happen to bad people, we just don't hear about them because no one cares. As it should be.
:0 cheers

[Shelli]

49.

I am happy and hopeful for you, too. Another month and you will be almost half way there. Come on, Little Baby, you can do it!

[Sherry]

50.

Cec,

A very happy new year to you, Charlie and your little one. '05 was such a shit year for so many people, I have a feeling '06 will be amazing.

Here's to hoping my intuition is right!

[Debe]

51.

every year has good and bad
just for today things are ok

[Debe]

52.

every year has good and bad
just for today things are ok

[Kate]

53.

Congrats on 14 weeks. That's huge!

I pray to God that you don't end up with a baby in the NICU, but know that if you do, they are full of wonderful, caring, amazing people. Obviously, if I could do things differently, I wouldn't have had my son in there... but since he had to be, atleast they were wonderful. It sounds strange to say, but it was one of the best experiences of my life. It really put things in perspective for me.

Happy New Year!

[Wendy]

54.

I'm wishing you have a wonderful 2006 filled with the screams and laughs of a beautiful new baby.