At the Gym

Scene: the pussy-ass weight machines.

Characters: Me, and a youthful twig of a personal trainer.

Her: (cheerfully) I haven’t seen you here before!

Me: (grunting as I try to do a lateral pull down) Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve been here.

Her : Oh really? Why’s that?

Me: (irritated that I’m not near the free weights so I could throw one at her) I had some medical issues that restricted my exercise.

Her: (faking concern--although, maybe not, could be a liability thing) Really? Like what?

Me: (wondering if I could maybe pick up the whole machine and throw it) I was pregnant.

Her: Oh, congratulations!

Me: (grateful to finally have something to say to make her go away) No. I didn’t have the babies. I developed severe preeclampsia and was forced to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks. I lost twin boys.

Her: Oh, I’m so sorry. I know how that can be.

Me: (eyeing her flat belly and youthful face doubtfully). Uh huh.

Her: I’ve got five children.

Me: (thinking, oh please, that’s totally not possibly, you’re like 22): Gee, I just want one!

Her: But I’ve had nine pregnancies.

Me: (trying to pretend that the hanging of my head in shame is helping me lift the weights) Oh, God, I’m so sorry.

Her: I lost twins too.

Me: (hanging head so far down it looks like I’m trying to prevent myself from fainting) Really? How awful. What happened?

Her: I was on a city bus and it got in an accident and I went into pre-term labor.

Me: (visibly shocked) Oh my god.

Her: Yeah. Then I miscarried the next one, and the one after that, had my oldest daughter, and then miscarried again.

Me: (finally able to look her in the face). Jesus Christ. I’m amazed you were able to continue.

Her: It was hard. But I love my kids now.

Me: I’ll bet.

Her: Let me know if you need any help! When you get pregnant again, I can help you develop a nice low stress workout that will keep you in shape!

Me: I will. I promise.

What are the fucking chances?

 

Comments

[Marie]

1.

I obviously don't want to say this is a good thing, but I am glad that you've found someone to work with who can fully sympathize with you and the experiences you've had. It's a rare find, I'm sure.

[Kristine]

2.

Oh geez. Does she have to have a flat stomache though? That part just seems unfair.

[Abby]

3.

Clearly the chances are better than you think. I think we'd all be surprised if we knew all of people's stories.

[Yatima]

4.

Wow. I was not expecting that.

I've been thinking of you all day, and Nicholas and Zachary, and daffodils.

[Lurkerette]

5.

Pretty amazing coincidence.

I found out on Friday that my baby (8w5d) had no heartbeat, and while I am still keeping the news very close to my chest (yeah, right, posting it here on the Internet for all to see), when I tell those people whom I had to tell about the pregnancy for medical reasons, they share their own stories of losses. It's horribly sad how many miscarriages I've heard about...but it helps to know that people know where I'm coming from. I'm glad you found someone who knows what you're going through.

Cecily, just getting through these past few days has been torture for me, even though what I am going through is nothing compared to what you have been through. I have respected you immensely for your strength to keep going, but now since Friday, I realize that you are Amazonian, Herculean, Atlas-esque. Crazy-Glue strong.

God bless you.

[Christine]

6.

It's always so freaky when stuff like that happens. That's an amazing story.

[Sherry]

7.

Apparently, she was meant to be there for you...thank God.

[shaunacat]

8.

How wonderful to meet someone who can truly somewhat understand part of what you're going through...especially when it's someone that you least expected to be able to do so.

Nice surprise. I think I'd keep her!

[Miss W]

9.

Oh, Cecily. Don't let yourself feel bad for your initial reaction to her. If anyone understands your reactions to conversations like that, it's someone who's gone through pregnancy loss.

[Elise]

10.

Oh my goodness, that is so awesome that you found someone so uniquely sympathetic. I think it's great -- it was high time you got one of the good breaks!

[Amy V]

11.

I found out when I lost Bella that it is an incredibly small world. Don't feel bad about your reaction. You hear so many idiots say "I know" when they don't. Even having lost a child, I don't know your experience. So often though, those that say I know so badly don't know and you can't help but think that.

[Marlou]

12.

Oh, this reminds me of the time after my son was born and died, the insurance company sent me one of those plastic cards for him! You know, with his name and policy number on it! Valid until 2006! Whereas I had rung them on several occasions to tell them he was dead.

So I fly into this rage, call them, and start ranting and raving away! Only for the lady on the other line to say: 'oh a similar thing happened to me when I was 15 years old! Can you imagine, I was only a child myself.'

I was so irritated by this, as I was really looking forward to a chance to vent some of this rage!

Still it goes to show, you just never can tell!

Hugs
Marlou

[DMouse007]

13.

I didn't expect that at all. I'm glad you have found someone who has a better understanding of how you feel, but it is so damn crappy that you both have been there.

[Case]

14.

A diplomat once wrote, "One moves through life like someone moving with a lantern in a dark woods. A bit of the path ahead is illuminated, a bit of the path behind." This woman came with her lantern to light a bit of your path. I'm always amazed at where help will come from when you least expect it. You've found a kindred spirit in this woman.

[tracy]

15.

Wow... what a time for her to show up in your life. Hopefully, for every evil troll in your life, there is also someone like your trainer.

[Melanie]

16.

Wow. I think a tiny bit of my faith has been restored.

[karla]

17.

It has been my experience that there are some people out there who have been through what a lot of us have, they(we) just don't wear it physically (like a broken heart tattoo on your forehead)Wouldn't it be convenient if there was a way we could recognize one another? Who knows if that random lady on the subway has a story of hope to share or even just an "I get it" or "I've been there, too". It sucks to belong to this sisterhood, but sometimes each other is all we have and noone understands better than one who is in the trenches.

[Laura]

18.

It's a kind of dark serendipity.

[Jo-Ann]

19.

WOW good story. You never know who you are going to stumble over. I am glad you met her. Sounds like she is who you needed to meet this week

Love
Jo-Ann

[eightlegs]

20.

oh. my. god.

That is just too weird. Goes to show you that you just never know about some people.

[Tammy]

21.

When I miscarried, my mother-in-law, with whom I'd always had an extremely distant relationship, told me about how her firstborn was stillborn. Bear in mind that this is an 80-year-old woman who is very reserved and dignified, and who had never even told the full story to her own children. Without breaking down at all, she made me realize that this had probably been the hardest experience of her life, made all the more painful by the fact that, back then, the prevailing attitude among women and doctors was "talking about it will only make you feel worse; better to pretend it never happened".

My mother-in-law is the only person I know "in real life" who's lost a child. Before talking to her, I'd felt so incredibly alone, and she ended up completely flooring me by being one of my greatest comforters. Since then, it's as if the 15 years of accumulated reserve between us completely melted. Despite the fact that she lives on the other side of the country, my mother-in-law and I have warm, wonderful conversations on the phone a couple of times a month.

So yeah, I do agree with everyone who's posted that you never know what you're meant to learn from the most unlikely people. It gives me hope for all of us.

[alexhere]

22.

Unbelievable! How one earth does that happen? I thought the story was just going to be another asshat story....twist of plot.

[Mtngirl]

23.

I'm so glad, Cecily, that that woman stepped into your life. I agree with all of you who talk about the surprising ways that help can arrive. When I had my first miscarriage, my mother-in-law, with whom I'd had a frosty relationship to say the least, told me about her seven (!) losses, and she's been one of my mainstays of support with the other two miscarriages as well. As with Tammy, it's opened up our relationship in other ways. I'm waiting for the day that she can celebrate a grandchild with me, too. The trainer at the gym may not be someone who gives you long-term support (except in building muscle groups), but it's so god to know that she and other sisters in understanding are out there. Great to hear that you're at the gym, too -- you're one step ahead of me!

[Maria]

24.

Wow. I don't even know what to say. Her story is not just amazing, but it's also amazing you met up with her.

And for "Lurkerett" above: I am so sorry for your loss.

[AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch]

25.

Wow, just goes to show you never can judge a book by its cover... or a trainor by her flat stomach. And I also sounds like her pregnancies that resulted in kiddos help her heal from all her losses.

[j]

26.

You really just never know what lurks behind people's smiling faces.

I remember once when I was in the throes of infertility treatments, at a point when I didn't think I'd ever succeed, I was taking a deposition. Before the deposition started, the witness asked everyone -- the other lawyer, the court reporter, the videographer -- if they had any kids. I was the only one who didn't. He was going on and on about how much he loved being a father. I was trying not to cry, wanting to melt into the table, trying to busy myself with documents so as not to be part of this conversation. Then he revealed that both of his children were internationally adopted, and that both were special needs children. One had pretty bad cerebral palsy, and didn't walk well. I don't remember what the other child's issue was. But suddently the whole thing had a different feeling. I'm sure there was a quite a story there. The other people in the room became uncomfortable, and didn't know how to react, so said nothing, and looked at the table, as I had been a few moments before. I finally looked up, and said "how wonderful," and asked him a bunch of questions. He was sooo happy and proud of his kids, and I almost cried it was so sweet, and encouraging to me.

Perhaps this woman can be a help to you in more ways than one.

[RainbowW]

27.

see, there is a god.

and it's at moments like this, when we're bowled over by sheer disbelief, that she laughs her ass off at us.

[Chasmyn]

28.

That is a great story. And I love what everyone has said about it. It is a beautiful dark bit of synchronicity, and I, too, was very surprised by the outcome.

[Moxie]

29.

Wow.

That's all I really have to say.

[Bugsy]

30.

Oh Cecily, It is hard for us to see past our own journeys and remember that other people have journeys too, and they are not all rosey ones. But we shouldn't beat ourselves up by our reactions - you could not have known her story. I am glad however that you have found someone who understands your journey.

I so hope she gets the opportunity to help you with that low stress workout.

I also love everyone's comments - we are a sort of sisterhood - united in our hearts and feelings - I do wish however that nobody had to feel the pain of infertility or loss.

[Kristin]

31.

I'm so glad she stepped into your life right now. It helps so much to ave someone who truly understands.

[Sandy]

32.

I too am always amazed by how very many women are touched by infertility and loss, both here in the blogland sisterhood and in my real life as well. When we lost Brodie, I couldn't even begin to count the number of people (men and women) that I worked and lived with every day who supported us by sharing their stories of baby loss. I never in a million years would have thought it, and found myself hanging my head in shame when I thought about the casual comments I may have made in their presence.

Now ask her if we can still eat chocolates AND have flat stomachs like hers please.

[The Barrenness]

33.

Looks like the cosmos just gave you a wee bit of encouragement. And just when you needed it. Take comfort in that. Keep working out and don't give up!

[Sara]

34.

What I remember most from the aftermath of my first miscarriage was the number of people who (first lowering their voices, if they weren't doing this in writing) told me "I'm so sorry. I lost (my first pregnancy, a baby, two between my first and second.... etc etc.)...

What I learned is that there is a secret sorority out there. People still don' t talk about pregnancy and infant loss. We've come a long way since the days of Tammy's mother-in-law's loss ... but its still, for many people, something that isn't supposed to be out in the open. Hence, those of us with losses form some kind of sad secret society. You don't know who else is in it until you are "tapped" to join. And you're surprised and saddened by how many women are members.

[meri]

35.

weird, you never know about people...

[meri]

36.

i just realized you meant pussy-ass as in wussie right?
at first i was like, wait, there are weights to tone your pussy & ass - how come i don't know about these!?!

[Frema]

37.

I'm reading through your archives and had to smile at this. What a woman--both of you.